When I was in high school, my mother handed me Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar and promised it would change my life. If you are someone I love, chances are very high that I have also demanded that you read this book. I have lent my copy many times and each time it returns, I know another person has been touched and changed by it. There is no way to not let Dear Sugar change you.
It has this sort of chain effect on people because it feels all encompassing in its depth and breadth. Dear Sugar is not a self-help book. It’s more like a memoir, a stern talking-to by your mother and a manifesto on how to live your life all wrapped into one. Sugar rarely answers your burning question without also peering farther into your soul. It’s the type of book you pick up every time you’re sad because you know there will be something in it to soothe the pain.
In one chapter, a woman writes to Sugar complaining that her sister has admitted to infidelity in her marriage, a marriage that the woman greatly admired. For her, infidelity is a ‘deal-breaker’ and she is extremely distraught by this new revelation and begs Sugar to soothe the pain. Instead, Sugar lovingly tells her the truth, a truth so much harder to tell than the words of comfort that this woman seeks: “This isn’t a spotless life. There is much ahead, my immaculate little peach. And there is no way to say it other than to say it: marriage is indeed this horribly complex thing for which you appear ill prepared.” For all of the sweetness with which she writes, Cheryl Strayed never sugar coats her truths. They come out of her experiences, her own history with infidelity, abuse, death, and they touch every part of her work.
Our most significant epiphanies are often the most devastating as well. Dear Sugar’s overall message is pretty clear: There is no easy way out of the darkness. Cheryl Strayed leads her readers through the woods, whacking at the brush, and encouraging the lost and broken hearted to do the very hard work of healing themselves. If I had any advice to give to you, it would be to read this book, cherish it, and learn from it.
